Sonic Studio :: Digital Audio Mastering and Authoring Tools for PCM, DSD&SACD

The Mastering Haiku KnowledgeBase

This collection of Mastering Haikus* were generated by our users and posted to the Virginia Tech Sonic User Forum. A little levity and brevity for all:

I told them it sucks But they still want it louder. My ears are bleeding.	Does mastering mean The waveform has to look like A stick of butter?	Analog session Align the half inch head stack smells like GP9
Too much compression Now it sounds like so much ass. And yet I get paid.	When it goes that far I ask them to remove my name from the credits	Compliments abound I weep burning tears of shame The turd is polished
Mastering geeks Comparing horror stories: That's entertainment!	A beautiful mix Now sounds like bacon frying. My work is done here	I cut the music Shaping beauty for the dub How sad that cars crash
I once did a job Where quality was the goal. Or did I dream that?	Crashing cars make noise It amplifies the sadness Who put music there	If you need your work By yesterday please submit It by tomorrow.
"Dammit, Jim! I'm a Doctor, not a Magician!" Re-mix the damned thing!	Just who mixed this crap? Were they deaf or just inept? Now I need a drink.	man, I love my job people pay me to listen to music all day
As much as we bitch It's all in fun. We all know How lucky we are	with the mouse in hand i edit many phrases ouch! my neck hurts now	Bits are delivered I will bend them to my will Now they sound better
"How long will I hear?", I fret. But some days, deafness Would seem a blessing	Delicate music... Its beauty brings one to tears. I mash it to pulp.	Why mastering, eh? I thought it sounded great, five hundred dollars!

*A haiku is a non-rhymed verse genre. There are 5 syllables in the first sentence, 7 in the second and 5 again in the last sentence.